Before You Say “I Do”

Love gets you engaged. Conversation gets you ready.

Most couples plan the venue, the outfits and the guest list. Far fewer sit down and ask: How will we handle money? What will we do when your family and mine want different things? What happens when we fight?

Those answers don’t appear on the wedding day. If you haven’t talked about them, you’ll find out in the middle of a disagreement.

This workbook gives you a calm, structured place to talk first.

A couple reading Before You Say I Do together on a tablet — Reading it together

A couple thinking through the workbook on a tablet — Thinking it through

A couple working through the questions together — Talking it through

Your 8-week journey

One theme a week. Tap a week to see what you’ll cover.

Week 1Life beliefs & expectationsAre we aligned on what marriage really is?

What marriage and commitment mean to each of you
Roles and responsibilities you each expect
What your families taught you about marriage
Assumptions you’re bringing in without realising

Week 2ValuesWhat truly matters to each of us?

Core values, priorities, faith and convictions
Lifestyle and family priorities
Integrity and personal boundaries
Where your values align, and where they differ

Week 3CommunicationHow do we talk and actually feel heard?

Your communication styles and emotional needs
Listening well and voicing concerns
Handling misunderstandings
Speaking honestly without attacking

Week 4MoneySpending. Saving. Debt. Giving.

Income, spending habits, savings and debt
Joint vs individual finances
Financial goals, giving and lifestyle expectations
Financial transparency with each other

Week 5Family & in-lawsBoundaries, traditions and expectations.

Relationships with parents and in-laws
Family obligations, holidays and traditions
Financial expectations from extended family
Privacy, and how family-related decisions get made

Week 6Career, location & callingWhere are we going together?

Career ambitions and work-life balance
Relocation and where to live
Children and career, ministry and calling
How you’ll support each other’s ambitions

Week 7Non-negotiables & deal-breakersWhat will we and won’t we tolerate?

Honesty, respect, fidelity and privacy
Substance use, emotional and physical safety
Personal freedom and healthy boundaries
Behaviours that call for serious discussion or professional help

This week is about mutual understanding and safety, never about controlling a partner.

Week 8Conflict & reconnectionHow do we handle conflict, and find our way back?

How each of you responds in conflict, and your triggers
Taking breaks, apologising and forgiving
Repair conversations and rebuilding trust
Knowing when outside counselling may help

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Week 3 Communication page of the workbook on a tablet

Every week gives you seven tools

Guided questions for both of you

Each partner answers, then you compare and talk.

Reflection exercises

Think it through on your own before you discuss.

Real-life scenarios

Practise a situation together before it’s real.

Word-for-word scripts

Exact phrasing for conversations that feel hard to start.

Fillable companion templates

Type into the PDF or print it and write by hand.

Agreement space

Record what you decided, in your own words.

A prayer for the week

A short prayer tied to that week’s conversation.

See how a script works

From Week 4. Money is where many couples go quiet, so the workbook hands you the first sentence.

You say:

“I want us to be fully honest about money before the wedding. Can we each share what we earn, what we owe and what we’re afraid of? I’ll go first.”

They might say:

“Thank you for starting. I’ve been nervous about this. Let me tell you where I am.”

Each script also includes what to do if the conversation gets tense.

Bonus: Weekly check-in template

A reusable one-page tool to use through the rest of your engagement and into your first year of marriage. Ten minutes a week to say what’s working, what’s bothering you and what you need.

Who this is for

Engaged couples

Preparing for the wedding and the marriage.

Dating couples talking about marriage

Serious about the future and ready to test your alignment.

Newlyweds (first 1–2 years)

Work through what you skipped.

Pastors, counsellors and mentors

A ready structure to guide couples you serve.

Questions

Do we both need a copy?

One workbook is enough. You’ll each answer separately, so print two copies of the question pages or use the fillable PDF on two devices.

How much time does each week take?

Plan on a few short solo reflections and one longer conversation together each week. Go faster or slower if you need to.

What if we disagree on something big?

That’s useful to know now. The scripts and repair exercises help you talk it through, and the workbook tells you when a counsellor or mentor would help.

How do I receive it?

Pay on Selar for an instant download, with a copy sent to your email. If you prefer to pay by bank transfer, message us on WhatsApp and we’ll send it to you.

Can I use it with couples I counsel?

Yes. Pastors and mentors can use it as a weekly structure for premarital sessions.